Više se nisam ničega plašio. Narednih dana sam bio pozvan u UDB-u sa čvrstim stavom. Za zatvor sam spreman i kvit!
(Mnogo se je o Udbi pisalo, više nego o ustaštvu. O ustaštvu se je mnogo reklo, najviše neistinitog i negativnog, ne toliko da se pokojno ustaštvo toliko oblati i ocrni, koliko da se kroz USTAŠTVO isto ocrni i oblati hrvatski narod do te mjere da Hrvatima nikada više ne padne na pamet za vlastitom hrvatskom državom. To su bile Udbine želje, a da bi postigli svoj cilj, upotrebljavali su sve načine i sve razne metode koristili.
Da bi čitatelj iole mogao razumjeti Udbinu metodu i zastrašivanje, donosim – kao svjedok broj jedan – jedno pismo kojeg je meni pisao moj bratić, koji je u to vrijeme bio student na zagrebačkom sveučilištu. Moje bratić je došao posjetiti svoje rodjake i rodice u san Francisco u ljeto 1987. godine. Ja sam živio u državi Texas, daleko par tisuća milja od Kalifornije. Imao sam poteškoća uvjeriti bratića da me dođe posjetiti u Texas. Izlika je bilo mnogo. Konačno je pristao i došao me posjetiti u Texas. Pitao sam ga da zašto se je toliko oprao da me dođe posjetiti. Bio je iskren s mnom i rekao mi: Znaš, striko, ti se baviš “politikom”, a to Udba dobro zna da si protiv njih, a ja ne bih želio imati nikakovih veza s njima kada se povratim. Ukratko, bratić je bio kod mene desetak dana i to je bilo dovoljno da ga dobro pripremim sa zagrebačkom Udbom kada se povrati. Iz sadržaja pisma će se moći zaključiti strah od Udbe i sve što iza toga slijedi. Donosim pismo u cijelosti, a zadržat ću si pravo, ako ustreba, osobna imena ispustiti. Otporaš)
Zagreb. 22.12.1988.
Dragi stric,
Evo javljam Vam se iz svoje sobe u Zagrebu, ali ne više iz studenske. Dosta se stvari dogodilo, za mene značajnih u zadnjih godinu dana a lijen pisati, što mogu. Znam da Vas sve zanima pa ću napisati riječ dvije barem o onim bitnijim.
Prošlo je nešto više od godinu dana od događanja od kojih mi se još uvijek lagano diže kosa na glavi. Bio je to teški psihološki ispit za mene. Znate, stric, kad sam kasnije razmišljao, zaključio sam da su mi se tada pružale velike mogućnosti, ali sam se čvrsto i uporno držao vaših savjeta da pod bilo kojim teretom i prijetnjom ne podlegnem. Spomenit ću samo tri mogućnosti: (1) – reći sve i dozvoliti im da me vrbuju za sebe, linijom najmanjeg otpora; (2) – reći sve ili negirati ali im se u svakom slučaju suprotstaviti, braniti se (“via što oni meni mogu!”), neka je oni tumače kako im se sviđa a ja ću je i dalje shvaćati onako kako ja hoću, dakle ne suprotstavljati im se ali ne dozvoliti ni u kom slučaju ni pod kakvim pritiskom, pa i pod cijenu zatvora da me vrbuju.
Za mene su tada i uvijek će postojati samo druge dvije mogućnosti, prva NIKADA! Za UDBU je prva vjerojatno najdraža. Prvi dan privođenja bio sam (2), ali ne za dugo. Brzo sam shvatio da to ne mogu izdržati. Ostalo mi je (3).
Inače, meni je ta stvar “pala” u vrlo nezgodno vrijeme. Tu je bio još par ispita, trebalo je učiti, otac očekuje diplomu. Jer, stric, ovdje kod nas ići na studije je velika investicija i veliko odricanje u svakoj obitelji. Nije mala stvar svaki mjesec tijekom zadnjih 5 godina čekati da vam tata odvoji 2/3 plaće a kući ostaje oko $50 na mjesec. Radi se o tome da kod nas student ima pravo raditi (kao i USA) ali odnosi cijena u društvu su takvi da ako student misli raditi i zaraditi si za život, tada može slobodno zaboraviti studije. Prema tome, povremeno radim, mogli smo si samo popuniti džeparac.
Zadnje godinu, dvije, vjerujte mi, bilo mi je kao da prosim. Pa ja imam 25-26 godina i još uvijek od oca uzimam. Sramota me samog sebe. Ali ovdje je to tako. To nije samo naš slučaj. Na kraju, to nikom nije žao ako sve dobro završi i diplomira se, ali što ako ne?! Što ako sad na kraju treba otić u – zatvor!
Upravo zbog svih tih razloga najteže mi je bilo sve reći tati. Ali morao sam. Trebalo je “sijedog tatu” zasjesti za stol, gledati ga u oči i reći istinu, reći mu da me umjesto diplome, zbog toga i toga, a najvjerojatnije najviše zbog tebe striko, čeka zatvor. To se dogodilo 25. 11. 1987. I znate što je bilo? Najprije tišina… zatim iznenađenje pa šok, onda ljutoća i galama, hodanje tamo-vamo i onda opet tišina…na kraju reče: “Ženo daj rakiju. Da nazdravimo! Sunce mu žarko, pradid ti je bio u zatvoru, did ti je bio po zatvorima, stric isto, (mislise na mene, mo. Otporaš.) odležat ćeš i ti, pa što !!!” A teta Jakica dodaje (i ona je bila tu): “I zatvor je za ljude a ne za krave!” Tada mi je pao kamen sa srca.
Više se nisam ničega plašio. Narednih dana sam bio pozvan u UDB-u sa čvrstim stavom (3) Za zatvor sam spreman i kvit! Nakon neuspjelih uvjeravanja i plašenja odustali su i ostavili me na miru, uz napomenu da ubuduće pazim što radim i da ne će samo tako završiti. Tako je to tada završilo.
Život teče dalje a neke stvari ovdje iz dana u dan izlaze na vidjelo a ljudima mnoge stvari postaju jasnije a razlog takvoj situaciji sigurno nije “pao s neba”, jer imao ih i ovdje koji misle isto kao i ti, stric.
Loše se živi a tada narod postavlja vrlo nezgodna pitanja. Ima li odgovora na njih i riješenja? Puno se priča i obećava a živi sve lošije. To kazuje sve.
Nakon svega toga prihvatio sam se knjige. Bilo je dosta učenja, i napokon, 6 svibnja 1988. promocija u diplomiranog inženjera elektronike a ubrzo zatim i Ljilja (sestra mojeg bratića Miše, dakle moja nećakinja, mo. Otporaš.) promocija u doktora – stomatologa. Tata i mam su bili presretni. No život teče dalje i trebalo se sad negdje zaposliti. Ja nisam imao problema jer se nas dosta traži. Krajem srpnja počeo sam raditi kao inženjer na Televiziji Zagreb (gdje i danas radi, mo. Mile.) Što reći o poslu? Na prvi pogled nije loše ali slabo se radi tj. malo ima posla a ja sam spreman raditi posebno u struci (kad ću ako ne sad!) i to mi smeta. Najgore je to da slična situacija u većini firmi kod nas je Plaća? Prosječno, $180. Sve u svemu zasad sam na TVZ a dalje vidjet će se… Ljilja također radi.
Tu su bili Tony i Renato. (Dva brata, Tony i Renato, Mišine tetke Kate iz San Francisca, mo.) Mislim da im je bilo odlično. Bilo je vrlo zanimljivo promatrati njih u ovoj našoj okolini te slušati njihove komentare. iako nisu mogli uvidjeti baš sve strane života ovdje, sad imaju barem priblizu predstavu o kraju i Domovini o kojoj su tako puno slušali tamo. Isto tako će mi biti drago kada moje rodice i bratići dođu ovdje. (Radi se o mojih šestero djece, mo.) Sada je na njima red! Ja znam da one imaju obaveze, ali recite im da kad god im se pruži prilika i kad odluče, mogu doći ovdje. Sofija (je moja kćer, mo.) i ja smo dovoljno stari da možemo sve osigurati.
Meni je striko žao što sam toliko dugo čekao da Vam se javim, jer ni sam nisam znao potpuni i konačni ishod moje situacije sa Udbom. Za sada izgleda da se je sve stišalo, a dokle će to trajati, ne znam.
Nadam se da vam je zdravlje najbolje. Pozdrav svima, najviše strinu Annie, Sofiju, Katrinu i Drinu i moje momke. Pozdrav također Lillie i Joe and specialy Melisa.
Iskreni pozdrav i veliki pozdrav svima za vas. Bog! Mile.
Mile Boban
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I was no longer afraid of anything. In the following days, I was invited to UDB with a firm attitude. I’m ready for prison and I’m done!
(A lot was written about the Udba, more than about the Ustaštvo. A lot was said about the Ustaštvo, mostly untrue and negative, not so much that the late Ustaštvo was vilified and denigrated, but that through the Ustaštvo the Croatian people were also vilified and vilified to the extent that the Croats would never again think of their own Croatian state. These were Udba’s wishes, and in order to achieve their goal, they used all means and all kinds of methods .
So that the reader could even understand Udba’s method and intimidation, I am bringing – as witness number one – a letter written to me by my cousin, who was a student at the University of Zagreb at the time. My cousin came to visit his relatives in San Francisco in the summer of 1987. I lived in the state of Texas, a few thousand miles away from California. I had a hard time convincing my cousin to come visit me in Texas. There were many excuses. He finally agreed and came to visit me in Texas. I asked him why he washed so much to come visit me. He was honest with me and told me: You know, uncle, you are involved in “politics”, and Udba knows very well that you are against them, and I would not want to have anything to do with them when I return. Briefly, my cousin stayed with me for ten days and that was enough for me to prepare him well with Zagreb Udbo when he returns. From the content of the letter, it will be possible to deduce the fear of Udba and everything that follows. I am bringing the letter in its entirety, and I will reserve the right, if necessary, to omit personal names. Mile, Orporaš.)
Zagreb. 22.12.1988.
Dear uncle,
I am contacting you from my room in Zagreb, but no longer from the student room. A lot of things have happened, important for me, in the last year, but I’m too lazy to write what I can. I know that you are interested in everything, so I will write a word or two at least about the more important ones.
It’s been a little over a year since the events that still make my hair stand on end. It was a difficult psychological test for me. You know, uncle, when I thought about it later, I concluded that I had great opportunities then, but I firmly and persistently adhered to your advice so as not to succumb under any burden and threat. I will mention only three possibilities: (1) – tell everything and allow them to recruit me for themselves, along the line of least resistance; (2) – say everything or deny it but in any case oppose them, defend yourself (“more than they can do to me!”), let them interpret it as they like and I will continue to understand it the way I want, so do not oppose them but do not allow them to recruit me in any case under any pressure, even at the price of prison.
For me, there are then and always will be only two other options, the first is NEVER! For UDBU, the first one is probably the favorite. On the first day of detention, I was (2) , but not for long. I quickly realized that I couldn’t stand it. I have (3) left .
By the way, this matter “fell” for me at a very inconvenient time. There were still a couple of exams, I had to study, my father is expecting a diploma. Because, uncle, going to study here is a big investment and a big sacrifice in every family. It’s not a small thing to wait every month for the last 5 years for your dad to take 2/3 of your salary and leave around $50 a month. It’s about the fact that in our country a student has the right to work (as in the USA), but the price relationships in society are such that if a student wants to work and earn a living, then he can freely forget about his studies. Therefore, I work occasionally, we could only fill our pocket money.
For the last year or two, believe me, I felt like I was begging. Well, I’m 25-26 years old and I still take from my father. I’m ashamed of myself. But here it is. This is not just our case. In the end, no one is sorry if everything ends well and they graduate, but what if they don’t?! What if he ends up having to go to – prison!
It was precisely because of all these reasons that it was the most difficult for me to tell everything to my dad. But I had to. It was necessary to sit down the “grey dad” at the table, look him in the eyes and tell him the truth, tell him that instead of a diploma, because of this and that, and most likely because of you, uncle, I am facing prison. That happened on November 25, 1987. And you know what happened? First silence… then surprise, then shock, then anger and commotion, walking back and forth and then silence again… at the end he said: “Woman, give me brandy. Let’s toast! The sun is hot, your great-grandfather was in prison, your grandfather was in prisons, your uncle too, (they think of me, mo. Otporaš.) you will serve time too, so what !!!” And Aunt Jakica adds (she was also there): “And prison is for people, not cows!” Then a stone fell from my heart.
I was no longer afraid of anything. In the following days, I was invited to UDB with a firm attitude (3) I’m ready to go to jail! After failed persuasions and scares, they gave up and left me alone, noting that in the future I should be careful what I do and that it won’t just end like that. That’s how it ended then.
Life goes on, and some things come to light here day by day, and many things become clearer to people, and the reason for such a situation certainly did not “fall from the sky”, because there were people here who think the same as you, uncle.
Life is bad, and then people ask very awkward questions. Are there any answers to them and solutions? There is a lot of talk and promises, but life is getting worse. That says it all.
After all that, I accepted the book. There was a lot of learning, and finally, on May 6, 1988, he was promoted to graduate electronics engineer, and soon after, Ljilja (is sister of my nephew Mišo, mo. Otporaš.) promotion to doctor – dentist. Dad and mom were overjoyed. But life goes on and it was time to get a job somewhere. I didn’t have any problems because there are a lot of us in demand. At the end of July, I started working as an engineer at Television Zagreb (where he still works today, mo. Mile.) What can I say about work? At first glance, it’s not bad, but the work is poor, i.e. there is little work and I’m ready to work, especially in the profession (when will I, if not now!) and that bothers me. The worst thing is that a similar situation in most of our companies is Salary? Average, $180. All in all, for now I’m on TVZ, and we’ll see… Ljilja is also working.
Tony and Renato were there. (Two brothers, Tony and Renato, Misha’s aunt Kate of San Francisco, MO. Mile.). I think they had a great time. It was very interesting to observe them in this environment of ours and listen to their comments. even though they couldn’t see all sides of life here, now they have at least an approximate idea of the area and the Homeland that they heard so much about there. I will also be glad when my relatives and cousins come here. (It’s about my six children, mo. Mile.) Now it’s their turn! I know they have responsibilities, but tell them that whenever they get the chance and decide, they can come here. Sofija (Sofija is my daughter, mo. Mile.) and I are old enough to provide for everything.
I am very sorry that I waited so long to contact you, because I did not know the full and final outcome of my situation with Udba. For now, it seems that everything has calmed down, and I don’t know how long it will last.
I hope you are in the best of health. Greetings to everyone, especially Aunt Annie, Sofia, Katrina and Drina and my boys. Hello also Lillie and Joe and especially Melisa.
Sincere greetings and a big greeting to everyone for you. God! Mile, Mišo.
Odgovori
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