Šala o mrtvačkom sanduku s rupama za ruke

My 33th writing to my grandchildren.
The question is:
“Mary wants to know the story under the big oak tree at Croatia Ranch”.
My dear grandchildren, first I want to tell you who this lady Mary is who asked that question. Her name is Mary Hamilton and her husband’s name is David. They live in the city of San Luis Obispo, halfway between San Francisco and Los Angeles. Your aunt Sophie lived there with her husband Paul. They were good friends with Mary and David Hamilton. That’s how I, your grandfather “Babu”, met Mary and David Hamilton, and that’s how they became our family friends. We met often and told each other many of our stories. So I had the opportunity to tell them a story about the events at the Croatia Ranch.
My dear grandchildren, in order for you to know the story of the Croatia Ranch, I will briefly tell you how the Croatia Ranch came to be. I bought this 65-acre Ranch in February 2002, about 120 kilometers north of Dallas towards the town of Bowie. That property was heavily wooded. There were many types of trees, mostly oaks. We came there with family and our friends and spent almost every holiday; Easter, Mother’s and Father’s Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, etc. All various forms of pleasure were enjoyed there. I had a hunting rifle and often walked through the woods with it to catch anything. I remember catching 4 wild pigs and several wild ducks and geese and turkeys
Every year we celebrate Thanksgiving Day there, which is always the last Thursday in November. My wife Annie’s birthday is on St. Catherine Day, it’s November 25th. It somehow often happens that weekend and we would enjoy these two celebrations there, Thanksgiving and your Mamie Annie’s birthday. Each time there would be about 20 of us, families, friends and guests, if not even more. It was a great pleasure and it is a part of my life that I can never and will never forget. On Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, almost everyone would go visit the town of Bowie, about 20 kilometers away. There were various shops and various mostly antique and cowboy decorations for sale. There, on the sidewalk, we saw an old sign from the 1880s that reads: Coughing, spitting are prohibited and punishable.
On Saturdays, we would go for a walk in the forest of Croatia Ranch. There was a large branched oak tree. Someone built a tree house on those big branches. The stairs to climb were made of rope, on the left and right side there was a rope to which a horizontal rope was tied every 30 to 40 centimeters, on which the feet were placed for  climbing. We would often stop there and talk about that huge tree, the branches, the children’s house, the rope  etc. Everyone present would be so satisfied with what they saw, because many had not had the opportunity to see something like that. And once, almost every time while we were walking there, we would stop there by that huge oak tree and I would tell my guests, who were also my friends, among other conversations, various stories and incidents that I had lived there on this Croatia Ranch. I told them this story under this big oak tree:
It was Saturday morning, after breakfast everyone decided to walk from end to end of Croatia Ranch. This was also because some guests said that they would have to go home in the afternoon. Everyone found a story to tell with those they were walking with. Various stories were heard and the laughter of those stories could be heard far away. So by walking through the forest we came to that big oak tree. We stopped there and again a big story was developed around that big oak tree. One of the guests asked me: Mile, how long will you live on this Croatia Ranch? I scratched my head little bit and said this:

“Dear friends, you know and those who don’t know yet will know now. I am a carpenter, that is my trade and my profession. I have a family, a wife and six children. I have worked hard physically all my life. I have been very happy throughout my life , happy and satisfied. From my first days in America, when I was still working as a waiter in a very famous tourist place in San Francisco, Fisherman’s Wharf, then I told myself and decided that it was better to work 16 hours a day for myself, instead of working for others 8 hours a day. So I left the restaurant and started working for myself. The name of my company was CROATIAN BUILDING COMPANY, INC.. I was an entrepreneur for over 30 years, until I retired in 2005.
Now I am retired and my wife Annie and I have decided to move and live on Croatia Ranch. We came there in June 2006. We enjoyed it there very well, even though it was often just the two of us. Whenever we felt lonely, we would invite friends over the weekend to visit us. We often had roast lamb or pig on a spit. The guests loved it because it was a rarity. Although our Croatia Ranch was almost 350 kilometers away from Astin, the capital of the state of Texas, many of our friends were very happy and eager to come and spend their weekend at the Croatia Ranch.
That is why I am very happy here with you today. I want to tell you that I am very glad to have this Croatia Ranch here where I enjoy it to the extent that I am ready to be buried here under these branches of this great and grand tree. Look at me now where I stand before you and what I am going to tell you is that I am a carpenter and that I know how to make a coffin and that I will punch two holes the size of my fists in the lid of that coffin, so when they will put me into that coffin, here where I stand now, I will  tell my family when they put me in the coffin to stick my two hands outside through those two holes and to show them that I didn’t take anything with me to the grave or to the next world”.
My dear grandchildren, I said that more in joke than in reality, so that the people laugh a little. When everyone present heard it, the applause was so great that it was talked about and retold a lot. As much as people thought it was a joke, no matter how much it was talked about, more and more stories were developed until our friend Mary Hamilton heard it and asked the question so that she could find out all about it, a whole and interesting story.
Your eternal grandfather “Babu” Mile Boban.
Austin, Texas
August 17, 2024.

Prijevod na hrvatski

Moj 33. opis mojim unucima

Pitanje je:
“Marija želi znati priču pod velikim hrastom na Hrvatskoj Farmi”.
Dragi moji unuci najprije vam želim reći tko je ta gospođa Marija koja je postavila to pitanje. Njeno ime je Mary Hamilton a ime njezina supruga je David. Oni žive u gradu San Luis Obispo, na pola puta izmežu San Franciska i Los Angelesa. Tu je živjla i vaša tetka Sophie sa svojim suprugom Paul. Oni su bili dobri prijatelji sa Marijom i Davidom Hamilton. Tako sam se i ja, vaš djed “Babu” upoznao sa Marijom i Davidom Hamilton i tako su oni postali naši obiteljski prijatelji. Često smo se sastajali i mnoge smo naše priče jedni drugima pričali. Tako sam ja imao priliku im pričati jednu priču dogodovština na Hrvatskom Imanju, Croatia Ranch.
Dragi moji unuci da bi vi znali priču o Hrvatskom Imanju, ja ću vam ukratko reći kako je do tog Hrvatskog Imanja došlo. To imanje od 65 jutara zemlje koja sam ja kupio u veljači 2002., sjeverno od Dallasa prema gradu Bowie nekih 120 kilometara. To imanje je bilo vrlo pošumljeno. Tu je bilo mnogih vrsta stabala, a ponajviše hrastova. Dolazili smo tu sa obitelji i našim prijateljima i provodili skoro za svaki blagdan; Uskrs, majčin i očev dan, 4. srpnja, praznik rada, Dan zahvalnosti itd. Tu se je uživalo u svim raznim oblicima zadovoljstva. Ja sam imao lovačku pušku i često sam se šetao šumom sa njom ne bi li štogod ulovio. Sjećam se da sam ulovio 4 divlje svinje i nekoliko divljih pataka i gusaka.
Svake godine smo tu slavili Dan Zahvalnosti koji je uvijek zadnji četvrtak u studenom mjesecu. Rođendan moje supruge Annie je na dan Sv. Kate a to je 25. studenoga. To se nekako uvijek desi tog tjedna i tu bi mi uživali u dva veselja, Dan Zahvalnosti i rođendan vaše Mamie Annie. Svakog puta bi nas bilo oko 20 gostiju, ako ne čak i više. Tu je bilo veliko uživanje i to je jedan dio mog života kojeg ja nikada niti mogu niti hoću zaboraviti. U petak, poslije Dana Zahvalnosti skoro svi bi išlu posjetiti grad Bowie, udaljen oko 20 kilometara. Tu je bilo raznih dućana i raznih najviše starinskih i kaubojskih ukrasa za prodaju. Tu smo na trotoaru vidjeli stari natpis iz godina 1880-ih gdje piše: Zabranjeno i kažnjivo kašljanje, pljuvanje i oseknjivanje.
Subotom bi se mi šetali po šumi Hrvatskog Imanja. Tu je bio jedan veliki razgranati hrast. Netko je na tim velikim granama napravio dječju kućicu. Stepenice za popeti se bile su od konopa, stalno su se cuninale, s lijeve i desne strane je bio konop za koji se je svaki 30 do 40 centimetara zavezao vodoravni konop na koji su se noge stavljale za penjanje. Tu bi se mi često puta zaustavili i razgovarali o tom ogromnom stablu, granama, dječjoj kućici, konopu za penjanje itd. Svi nazočni bi bili tako zadovoljni što su vidjeli, jer mnogi nisu imali prilike tako nešto i slično vidjeti. I jedne zgode, skoro svake zgode dok smo se mi tuda šetali, mi bi se tu kod tog ogromnog hrasta zaustavili i ja bih mojim gostima koji su mi u isto vrijeme bili i moji prijatelji, između ostali razgovora, pričao bi im razne priče i dogodovštine koje sam proživio tu na ovom Hrvatskom Imanju. Ja sam im pod ovim velikim hrastom ispričao ovu priču:
Bila je subota jutro, poslije doručka svi su se odlučili od kraja do kraja Hrvatskog Imanja prošetati. To je bilo i zato što su neki gosti rekli da će morati poslije podne ići kući. Svatko je našao neku priču pričati sa onim s kojima se šeće. Razne priče su se čule i moglo se je nadaleko čuti i smijeh tih priča. Tako šetnjom kroz šumu došli smo i do tog velikog hrasta. Tu smo zastali i opet se razvila velika priča oko tog velikog hrasta. Jedan od gostiju me je zapitao: Mile koliko ćeš ti dugo živjeti na ovom Hrvatskom Imanju? Ja sam se malo počešao po glavi i rekao ovako:
“Dragi prijatelji vi znate a oni koji još ne znaju sada će znati. Ja sam drvodjelac, to je moj zanat i moja struka. Imam obitelj, ženu i šestero djece. Fizički sam teško radio cijeli život. Kroz cijeli moj život sam bio vrlo sretan, vrlo veseo i zadovoljan. Od prvih mojih dana u Americi, dok sam još radio kao konobar u restoranu na vrlo poznatom turističkom mjestu u San Franciscu, Fisherman Wharf, tada sam ja sam sebi rekao i odlučio da je bolje raditi 16 sati dnevno  za sebe, nego za druge raditi 8 sati dnevno. Tako sam ja napustio restoran i počeo za sebe raditi kao građevinar. Ime moje kompanije je bilo HRVATSKO GRAĐEVINSKO PODUZEĆE. Bio sam poduzetnik poslova preko 30 godine, sve do umirovljenja 2005 godine.
Sada sam u mirovini i supruga Annie i ja smo odlučili preseliti se i živjeti na Hrvatskom Imanju. Tu smo došli u lipnju 2006. Mi smo tu uživali iako smo često puta bili samo nas dvoje. Kad god smo se osjećali osamljeni, mi bi preko vikenda pozvali prijatelje da nas posjete. Često puta smo tu pekli janje ili svinju na ražnju. To su gosti vrlo voljeli jer je to bila rijetkost. Iako je naše Hrvatsko Imanje bilo udaljeno od Austina, glavnog grada države Teksas skoro 350 kilometara, mnogi naši prijatelju su sa velikim zadovoljstvom i željom voljeli doći provesti njihov vikend na Hrvatskom imanju.
Zato sam ja danas vrlo veseo s vama ovdje gdje vam želim reći da mi je vrlo drago što imam ovo Hrvatsko Imanje ovdje gdje uživam do te mjere da sam spreman da me se zakopa ovdje pod ovim granama ovog velikog stabla. Gledajte me sada gdje stojim pred vama i što ću vam reći, a to je da sam ja drvodjelac i da ja znam kako napraviti mrtvački sanduk i da ću na kapku tog mrtvačkog sanduka probušiti dvije rupe veličine mojih šaka, da će staviti taj mrtvački sanduk ovdje gdje sada stojim, reći mojoj obitelji kada me stave u mrtvački sanduk da provuku moje dvije šake kroz te dvije rupe vani te da vide da ja nisam sa sobom ništa odnijo u grob ni na onaj svijet.
Dragi moji unuci ja sam to rekao više u šali nego u zbilji tako da se malo nasmijemo. Kada su to svi nazočni čuli, aplauz je bio toliki da se je o tome mnogo pričalo i prepričavalo. Koliko god su ljudi o tome mislili da je to šala, ali što god se je više o tome pričalo, sve više i više priče su se razvijale sve do te mjere da je i naša prijateljica Mary Hamilton postavila to pitanje kako bi mogla saznati svu tu cijelu i zanimljivu priču.
Vaš vječiti djed “Babu” Mile Boban.

Mile Boban, Austin, Texas, 17. kolovoza 2024.